小山涉

心在跳动

2021-2022

单频影像(彩色、有声)

38′22″

这部纪录片源于艺术家与一位精神科医生朋友之间的持续对话。起初,这位朋友谈及一位精神分裂症患者的离世,话题渐渐转向自己多年前未曾言说的经历—他的妹妹也可能患有相同的精神状况,并于数年前投河溺水身亡。艺术家提出,让他写一封关于妹妹的信,以及一份假想的病历,作为对这段无法释怀的经历的回应。

“我的心在跳动。”影片以妹妹曾经说过的话开场,这句简单的话语成为了整部影片的情感锚点。不同于通常对精神疾病和丧失至亲的悲剧性叙述框架,这部作品试图避免模式化的情感解读。正如这位朋友在信中所写:“我终于意识到,我不必在悲伤时做出悲伤、哭泣的表情,也不必在高兴时做出快乐的表情。”影片从医生与失去至亲的兄长这双重身份出发,揭示在面对创伤时,专业判断与内心情感之间的矛盾与挣扎。在这一过程中,艺术成为了一种温柔的介入方式,让我们得以靠近创伤,靠近语言所不能抵达的部分。

Wataru Koyama

The Heart is Beating

2021-2022

Single-channel video (color, sound)

38′22″

The Heart is Beating emerged from an ongoing dialogue between the artist and a psychiatrist friend. Initially discussing the death of a person with schizophrenia, the conversation gradually shifted toward a long-buried personal memory: the friend’s sister, who may also have had schizophrenia, died several years ago by drowning in a river. The artist invited him to write a letter and an imagined medical chart in response to this unresolved experience.

The work begins with the words his sister once spoke: “My heart is beating.” This simple sentence becomes the emotional anchor of the film. Rather than adopting a conventionally tragic framing of mental illness and loss, the work seeks to resist linear or singular emotional readings. As the friend writes, “I finally realized that I don’t have to make a sad, crying face when I’m sad, or a happy face when I’m happy.” Drawing from the dual perspective of a doctor and a grieving brother, the film navigates the tensions between professional knowledge and emotional proximity. In doing so, it proposes art as a space of gentle interruption—a way to accompany what cannot be explained or resolved.